About Relationships
Never mind why this topic came up today, it just did.
Here's what I think.
The most important relationship you have in your life is with your Higher Self. Some people perceive that as "god," and that's fine.
Second to that, I believe the most important relationship you have is with your mate/partner.
I can hear parents everywhere saying that's not true, that the most important person in their lives is their child or children.
That's fair--when the children are dependent and still at home. Though, frankly, if the parent (either mother or father) has neglected their relationship with their spouse/partner for the duration, in favour of the children, they're going to find themselves with a stranger by the time the kids are leaving home. If not sooner. And divorced or certainly living emotionally separate lives.
Children do what they are supposed to do: grow up and move on, both physically and emotionally. They do not have an obligation to be the parents' best friend. In fact, I think that's quite inappropriate. If you are lucky, your children will take care of you in your old age, to the best of their ability. You cannot live through them and you cannot live for them. If you are living for your children, you need to sit down and examine your life, see what else you have to offer the world and your Self besides parenthood. If you are living through them, you might need therapy to address why, to come to terms with the regrets in your own life and perhaps find a way to "follow your bliss," regardless of your age.
It's obvious to some, I suppose, that I'm not a parent. A fact for which I am thankful on a daily basis.
I can recall the director of a department in which I worked, years ago now, telling us that he and his wife made it clear to their kids that while they loved them dearly, they were to be out of the house at 18 and on their own, that it was time for them to leave the nest. This couple had a life beyond raising the kids, a purpose beyond propagating the species. Hallelujah! LOL. And while I don't know if they still are together, they were an example to me of spouses putting each other first--their relationship with the other foremost, above all others.
As it should be.
If you want a mate, that person has to come above all others. I've always felt that way and I lived that with my ex-partner. (Doesn't guarantee any HEAs, of course. And I'm NOT referring to anyone in any kind of abusive relationship.)
At this time in my life, I could not put a human companion above my fur family, would not choose to be with someone at the expense of my time with them and care of them. No human ever will give me the kind of unconditional four-legged "love" and support that they do, because human relationships always come with conditions and expectations. Doesn't matter if that relationship is one of friends, partners, parents/children--we all have certain needs that we want others to fulfill.
But here's the thing. No one can fill our inner needs. People eventually will disappoint us, betray our trust, fail us somehow, leave us through divorce or death--as we will do in turn. Or we get hung up on the fact that someone else doesn't show us love in the way we want to be shown love, and we overlook the fact they show us love in the best way they can.
We need to look to our own inner strengths first, be as healthy and happy with our Selves as we can, before we can expect to offer ourselves up in a healthy relationship. Whether that is a platonic friendship, the role of parent, or the role of spouse/partner.
And how about this...So many people ask for love, pray for love, for a mate, someone to share their life with. How about asking to become worthy of that? How about asking to be able to give that?
Not everyone can...and not everyone wants to.
And so what? It's just life. Just a life. You do your best, find the joys in daily living, and you die and pass out of people's memory. That is true for us all.
Frankly, I think four-legged animals have it all over us, because they don't squander their lives thinking about topics that have no resolution. We humans seem to love to ponder philosophical questions, the meaning of life, relationships, and so on. But all that is ego-based and serves only to distance us from an understanding of Oneness and Present Moment awareness.
You know what? In this Present Moment, I'm going to pour myself a glass of wine and enjoy! LOL.
Here's what I think.
The most important relationship you have in your life is with your Higher Self. Some people perceive that as "god," and that's fine.
Second to that, I believe the most important relationship you have is with your mate/partner.
I can hear parents everywhere saying that's not true, that the most important person in their lives is their child or children.
That's fair--when the children are dependent and still at home. Though, frankly, if the parent (either mother or father) has neglected their relationship with their spouse/partner for the duration, in favour of the children, they're going to find themselves with a stranger by the time the kids are leaving home. If not sooner. And divorced or certainly living emotionally separate lives.
Children do what they are supposed to do: grow up and move on, both physically and emotionally. They do not have an obligation to be the parents' best friend. In fact, I think that's quite inappropriate. If you are lucky, your children will take care of you in your old age, to the best of their ability. You cannot live through them and you cannot live for them. If you are living for your children, you need to sit down and examine your life, see what else you have to offer the world and your Self besides parenthood. If you are living through them, you might need therapy to address why, to come to terms with the regrets in your own life and perhaps find a way to "follow your bliss," regardless of your age.
It's obvious to some, I suppose, that I'm not a parent. A fact for which I am thankful on a daily basis.
I can recall the director of a department in which I worked, years ago now, telling us that he and his wife made it clear to their kids that while they loved them dearly, they were to be out of the house at 18 and on their own, that it was time for them to leave the nest. This couple had a life beyond raising the kids, a purpose beyond propagating the species. Hallelujah! LOL. And while I don't know if they still are together, they were an example to me of spouses putting each other first--their relationship with the other foremost, above all others.
As it should be.
If you want a mate, that person has to come above all others. I've always felt that way and I lived that with my ex-partner. (Doesn't guarantee any HEAs, of course. And I'm NOT referring to anyone in any kind of abusive relationship.)
At this time in my life, I could not put a human companion above my fur family, would not choose to be with someone at the expense of my time with them and care of them. No human ever will give me the kind of unconditional four-legged "love" and support that they do, because human relationships always come with conditions and expectations. Doesn't matter if that relationship is one of friends, partners, parents/children--we all have certain needs that we want others to fulfill.
But here's the thing. No one can fill our inner needs. People eventually will disappoint us, betray our trust, fail us somehow, leave us through divorce or death--as we will do in turn. Or we get hung up on the fact that someone else doesn't show us love in the way we want to be shown love, and we overlook the fact they show us love in the best way they can.
We need to look to our own inner strengths first, be as healthy and happy with our Selves as we can, before we can expect to offer ourselves up in a healthy relationship. Whether that is a platonic friendship, the role of parent, or the role of spouse/partner.
And how about this...So many people ask for love, pray for love, for a mate, someone to share their life with. How about asking to become worthy of that? How about asking to be able to give that?
Not everyone can...and not everyone wants to.
And so what? It's just life. Just a life. You do your best, find the joys in daily living, and you die and pass out of people's memory. That is true for us all.
Frankly, I think four-legged animals have it all over us, because they don't squander their lives thinking about topics that have no resolution. We humans seem to love to ponder philosophical questions, the meaning of life, relationships, and so on. But all that is ego-based and serves only to distance us from an understanding of Oneness and Present Moment awareness.
You know what? In this Present Moment, I'm going to pour myself a glass of wine and enjoy! LOL.
Comments
Now, get out of that dentist chair (way too much time spent there already.