Musings on a Small Life

I'd give a lot to get my hands on a glass of something alcoholic right now. LOL. Posted an update on the boys' blog -- they did Derry's dental first thing this AM (I finally called them at 1:20PM EDT, my anxiety spiking off the chart). Extracted the upper left pre-molar that was bad, as well as another on the right side, but that was all. Which surprises me greatly. The vet said Derry was recovering well. No one could find the lump (I'm NOT making it up), but the vet will have another go. It's just that Derry has to be sitting up to feel it; I keep telling everyone that. Anyway, I didn't realize just how tense I was until I hung up the phone. Now I feel like a wet noodle and am close to sliding off my chair, onto the floor under my desk. I so want a shot of rye or a glass of wine, but there's no LCBO on my way to the clinic or on my way home. If they weren't so hell-bent on maintaining a monopoly, I could at least get wine and beer at my local corn...

Tomorrow is DD day--Derry's dental; I have to fast him after 8PM. Water is okay, though, I double-checked. I'm nervous about how to allow Nicki to eat but fast Derry, assume I'll keep Derry confined in one of the upstairs rooms for a bit, while Nicki eats breakfast. Probably the easiest thing to do. I'm also nervous about the procedure. I know he'll lose at least one more tooth; I'm just worried he won't make it through the dental. I know that if that were to happen it would be a merciful death--he would go to sleep and just not wake up. Can't ask for a better transition from this world than that. But he's not even 8 years old yet (June), and I'm so not ready to let him go. (I won't be ready at any age.) So that's top in my mind today. Please think good thoughts for him! Thanks so much.     Peace . 

So we had a staff update meeting yesterday. Mercifully they're only every other month. BUT. The "big" boss has decided that we're all going out her place on Wednesday May 13, late AM, to have a BBQ and then to have an HR facilitator come in and do the DiSC personality assessment with us all. (It's a lot like True Colors, if anyone remembers that, which was big in the late '90s and early 2000's. I did True Colors three times.) I didn't look at my coworkers when she announced this, but I knew exactly what they were thinking. We're all on the same page in how we feel about it. We're not in our 30s anymore, like most of the other half of the team. We know our personalities, we don't want to do stupid "team building" sh*t that's an utter waste of time. This would be why I want to win enough to retire before then. $1.5M CDN will do. LOL. Guess I'd actually better start buying lotto tickets soon, huh? Hope no one else...

I finally caved and booked an eye appointment for Saturday May 2nd, the earliest I could get for a non-weekday. The issue is that my middle-aged eyes are NOT seeing things as they should. LOL. Bet I need glasses now for sure, probably bifocals. I can't read much without the "cheater" reading glasses, unless it's oh, 16 point font size.  :-) *** Thank you, Eileen, for the spreadsheet, much appreciated! *** Purrs and purrayers to Tungsten, of I Have Three Cats , who has CRF. I'm not sure how much time she'll have left, but am sending her Light, and Light to her human "dad" too. She couldn't have a better caregiver. When it's her time to cross, may it be quick, gentle, and merciful. *** Thoughts and prayers to my co-worker's mom, who has been battling multiple myeloma for a couple of years now (she had a stem cell transplant two years ago). She's currently in hospital, has had pneumonia. Not good. On the plus side, her chemo IS ...

I wasn't expecting any comments to that post, but reading them, well, I just went back to look at the forms again. I normally do it by hand because I only have my T4 and a T4A, some donations and my public transit credit. (Along with federal schedules 1, 7, and 9, plus the provincial forms.) Yeah, okay, don't do your taxes when you're not feeling well and your head is stuffed and fuzzy, because hey, even if you think you're being meticulous, you might overlook something extremely simple. Like including the basic federal amount (tax credit) in your calculations. (Mom and Eileen will know what I mean.) Seriously. That's another *headdesk*, but at least this one works in my favour. I can't believe I did that. I've been so upset all afternoon, and I *think* it will be okay in the end. I'll recheck another weekend, definitely not now. Who knows? When I redo it once more I might owe big $$$$ again. LOL. But I hope not! Duh, duh, duh.

I just did the rough draft of my taxes (due April 30th) and it's not a happy outcome. I had had that position upgrade last year, but I'm pretty sure HR didn't take off the correct amount of tax at the source, because I owe into the four-digits...as much as Derry's dental probably will be. Yay me! Derry's dental is coming from what was the counter top money (all of it and probably then some), but the taxes? Beats the hell out of me where that's coming from! No comments needed, just a *headdesk* (or *headwall*) moment. Arrgghhh!

Okay, so some of you likely remember that I'm into my second year with hip/glute issues and that I had a steroid injection last August, after a hip x-ray showed all was normal. (The injection pretty much did diddly squat--slightly eased the pain for a few weeks, that was all.) Then I caved and started physiotherapy in January. So, for the past 9 days or so I've had really bizarre numbness on the front of my thigh and into the inner thigh; it started a few days after my physiotherapist both did a new manipulation and also gave me new exercises to do. I discussed the numbness with her last Friday during my appointment and she told me to stop doing all the Yoga exercises I'd been doing for my back (compressing that area) and to do only the physio exercises. Fine. Well, by yesterday AM the numbness wasn't easing, so today I called my doctor's office and got in to see the resident-of-the-month. Bottom line: He (and the overseeing doctor) don't think it's ...

I was browsing Amazon.ca on the weekend, as I so often do, and came across this art print in the form of a jigsaw puzzle: Archangel Haniel by Steve Roberts I was drawn to the image, kept going back to to it, unable to shake its pull, and ended up ordering the puzzle (very inexpensive). The title of the art piece is Archangel Haniel, the artist is Steve Roberts, and I had to Google to find out who the angel is, as well as the artist. The first site that Google returned told me that she is the angel of Joy (among other things, listed on other sites). You can enlarge to read the snip from the site, if you wish. Boy, she's certainly what my soul needs right now! "Funny" how the universe/god/goddess/spirit can deliver messages--even in a jigsaw puzzle.  :-) His prints are available, in various sizes, from http://www.fantasy-graphic.com/ . Tempting, but even if I could at this time (nope), shipping into Canada no doubt would be cost-prohibitive. Allposters.ca doe...

As I figured, the vet couldn't find the lump and Derry wouldn't be still long enough for even me to find it. So I'll keep an eye on it, so to speak, and see if it remains the same over time. However, he does need a dental ASAP, with at least one extraction. I've scheduled that for March 31st. (The vet is off next week for March break and does dentals only one or two days per week.) $190 today, with taxes, $700 for the dental if only one tooth is removed. That puts an end to any lingering hope of ever replacing my ugly kitchen counter top! Derry, below, home now and cleaning off the vet stink. They had to shave his neck to take the blood sample (hope that comes back okay). I've not seen the shaved spot yet, just got home and let him out and am giving him space.        Thanks for the good thoughts. I'm going to trust the lump is fat. Oh, btw, the food restriction the boys have been on? That Nicki has lost about pound on? Derry's weight actual...

I'm patting myself on the back for making it to Friday this week.  :-) And while it's not yet spring here, we've seen the snow start melting little by little. It was even +6 Celsius two or three days ago! The boys after work yesterday. Bare ground where I had shovelled! Anyway, we had our new person (on the budget side) start Monday. She's sitting in my old cubicle, adjacent to me, though I have a "wall" of overhead cabinets that blocks us from seeing each other and gives a measure of privacy. I like her. I had wondered how she'd fit in, given that the budget folks take all this a bit more seriously than we do. They're all younger, climbing the ladder of career success and on our side of things, we're all older and wondering how many years we'll have to work before we can get the hell out of here. LOL. But she's older than she looks (looks about 35, but she told me she's 46), and she seems very down to earth--for which I'm...

Peace .

I was Googling over lunch for Yoga poses for hip pain, came across this: "The sage Shankaracharya discovered one of life’s great lessons early on: if we fail to hold fast to our inner self, we will be ground up by the millstones of our workaday lives." Source: https://yogainternational.com/article/view/overcome-and-prevent-hip-pain This explains a lot!  :-D BTW, their poses seemed too advanced for me, at least in my current state, but I found a few doable ones on another site. Peace .

I've scheduled an appointment for Derry for Friday afternoon at 3PM, will take a half day off. I want to have a lump on his left side checked out. I think it's just fatty tissue (it's hard to find, he has to be sitting a certain way before you can feel it, and it seems to be just under the skin), but I'm not a vet to say for certain. I'm NOT looking forward to yet another cab ride to and from the clinic, but what can you do? Nicki seemed somewhat constipated over the weekend, but did his business overnight, so I'm glad about that. I think I'll stop sprinkling FortiFlora (as a "seasoning") on his canned, in case that's the cause. He also had a short coughing spell last night at 8:30PM, on my bed, presumably an asthma attack. (Though I suppose he could have coughed for other reasons.) I didn't give him the Ventolin, because he really fights it--it must have an odd "taste". He's already at 1000 mcg Flovent per day, so if...

It's worse than pulling teeth, I think, to get some meetings scheduled with various departments and my "old" boss. He wants them now, they want them in April, everyone has an excuse...Oy. As if our analysts want to spend the next 3 months pulling data for this annual project. My second jeepers is jeepers, it's COLD! Minus 29 windchill first thing, about minus 20 now. OMC, I hope this is the end of it. Third jeepers is jeepers, physio this morning HURT. LOL. I'm less mobile now, afterward, but that does often happen. I'll see how I am tomorrow and into the weekend. Mobility overall is so much improved, could be lots of factors re: the ongoing pain. But let me tell you, I've got so many exercises to do now, three times a day (twice is what I aim for), that I don't have time to work.  :-) Finally, on the (so far) non-existent counter top...I had emailed the guy earlier in the week with the two days I'll be off in April, but of course he never respond...

Anyone who has read this blog for any length of time knows exactly what my deeply desired yet imaginary world looks like:         No city living, no concrete, no next door neighbours, no traffic noises or screaming or stomping around or slamming of doors. Of course these landscapes of my soul are real places in the UK, in Germany and elsewhere in Europe. They're just not my own real life landscapes. Thanks to Google, however, I can at least look at them and drink them in. Thanks for the comments and support. Whatever hormonal craziness was going on passed--I was much better yesterday and am today too. Peace .

Any males reading this might prefer to skip it! Anyway, the yo-yo is my mood, which I hope can be attributed to the roller coaster of pre-menopause. I've been really low lately, no surprise as winter really impacts me, but I don't usually get so low anymore that I'm troubled by suicidal thoughts. Okay, sure I know I really don't have a reason to keep going except to take care of the boys, but most of the time I content myself with other things and get through the days, as many of us do in our own ways. But since the weekend, and especially yesterday? Jeepers! Then, when I woke up this morning, I had the first verse of an old hymn running through my head, one I've not thought of in decades: This is my Father’s world, and to my listening ears All nature sings, and round me rings the music of the spheres. This is my Father’s world: I rest me in the thought Of rocks and trees, of skies and seas; His hand the wonders wrought. I got out of bed and...