He makes my heart ache, just a tiny bit

I took the afternoon off yesterday, after my dental, so headed home early. The driver was a fairly new one, not someone I see often, though we have chatted, as passengers and drivers often do, over the Christmas holidays when he was filling in on my usual run.

I suppose he's a nice enough looking man, around my age, though I'm not attracted to him, don't even know his name or current marital status. Nor do I want to know. I do know he was divorced several years ago, that he has two daughters (and fur kids), that one of his daughters went with the mom, the other stayed with him. I also know that the mother passed away a year ago this past spring--cancer--and that the girls have had a tough time since, understandably. I do know that he got choked up telling me something one of his daughter's said shortly after the mom died, scared that he (her dad) would leave them too.

The idea of what he represents--a male who has known deep loss and suffering, who actually isn't shallow and self-centered--makes my heart ache just a tiny bit. Because I've never actually met one who, ultimately, wasn't completely self-absorbed. I guess that even after a decade on my own, there's still a small kernel within me that would have liked to have had a good partner/mate, someone with integrity, with faithfulness, with honour. None of those things may apply to this person, you understand--and it's not about him.

Of course, I long ago gave up on the idea of lasting, real love between partners. I don't think it's possible, except in very rare cases. I know full well that almost any man (and many women, let's be fair) eventually will cheat on his partner, if he thinks he can get away with it. And I know it has nothing to do with love for his spouse/mate. (And anyone who doesn't think that's the case is out in la-la land and could be in for a rude awakening, IMO. An honest man, a baldly honest man, will admit this.)

I wouldn't change my life now, I don't date and haven't been involved in any way with someone in over nine years. I don't sit at home and pine for a partner--I sit at home and do other things. LOL.

But once in a long while, as it is with this particular bus driver, something will remind me that I still am human, with the basic human need to love and be loved, not until someone better comes along, but for the long haul.

More garden blooms

Universal Blessings and Light to All Beings.