But I don't WANT to get something out of it
(Comments are off for this post; it's my "talking out loud," trying to sort things out for myself.)
I did a lot of walking yesterday: downtown, around campus for snapshots with the little Elph, then back up. I wasn't inclined to go to any Thanksgiving church service, thank you very much, certainly not after last week's fiasco at the cathedral. And also because, as anyone who reads this knows full well, my beliefs are a potpourri of various doctrines.
So you can imagine my mental balking as my feet somehow, of their own accord, made their way to the United Church I'd been going to, off and on, through the spring and summer. I'd not been since the end of August, when services were still in the hall (slightly cooler).
Damned if it wasn't a terrific service. And damned if Bill (reverend) didn't say something that really resonated with me, as he always seems to. And damned again if I didn't know three of the hymns--the melodies, not the lyrics--from Anglican hymns.
The thing is, I don't consider myself to be "Christian." I'm in a "push-pull" tug of war with my perception of "god." I don't WANT to get something out of this. But there's just something about the way Bill talks to and engages the congregation, more like chatting with a friend than preaching, something about the way he presents the lessons, his broader, inclusive, more open viewpoint, etc.. I don't get it.
He approached me after the service; I was at the altar talking with the organist (new organ) and snapping a few pics. Maybe I'll make an appointment and sit down and talk with him...someday. He brought that up again yesterday. We had gone back and forth via email in September, but couldn't find a mutually agreeable time to meet, and I let it go, had told him then that it wouldn't be fair to take up his time with someone who wasn't a member of his congregation. I said the same thing again yesterday, also said that a part of me didn't feel that I had anything to offer (in a conversation) and he replied that maybe my questions were what I had to offer, that my spiritual journey probably is reflective of what a lot of people feel today. So...I don't know. I'll see. Maybe, maybe, maybe.
In the meantime, will I go to another service?
Yes. Dammit.
