Jeepers, what a yo-yo!

Any males reading this might prefer to skip it!

Anyway, the yo-yo is my mood, which I hope can be attributed to the roller coaster of pre-menopause.

I've been really low lately, no surprise as winter really impacts me, but I don't usually get so low anymore that I'm troubled by suicidal thoughts. Okay, sure I know I really don't have a reason to keep going except to take care of the boys, but most of the time I content myself with other things and get through the days, as many of us do in our own ways.

But since the weekend, and especially yesterday? Jeepers!

Then, when I woke up this morning, I had the first verse of an old hymn running through my head, one I've not thought of in decades:

This is my Father’s world, and to my listening ears
All nature sings, and round me rings the music of the spheres.
This is my Father’s world: I rest me in the thought
Of rocks and trees, of skies and seas;
His hand the wonders wrought.

I got out of bed and out of the blue just started to cry as I was getting up, making coffee, etc. It passed but come on, this is nuts. It has to be hormonal, it's not like I ate anything bizarre yesterday or even have had any any alcohol lately. (Good thing!) I know I've been feeling rather desperate for green, for the earth, for flowers, to get away from city living (any city), but it doesn't usually affect me quite this strongly.

I've noticed in the past months that my episodes of rage are far less frequent and less intense, so I'm wondering if they're being replaced by the low episodes.

OMG, am I ever going to reach a point where my mood is stable and reasonably good? There really had best be something awesome at the end of this roller coaster.

The paradox to life is that when you're at your lowest and need a positive life change the most, even a small one, you're too low to effect it. I've found that it's only when you're feeling good, feeling energetic, motivated and determined, that positive life changes happens--because you have the will to put them into place.

Anyway, for a topic switch: I got the Ikea bench home on Monday and got it together without undue difficulty. And without alcohol too, I might add. The boys, especially Nicki, were a great help in unpacking, but lost interest when it came time to assemble.

 

 

 

 

The bench is cute, would be the perfect size for my 32-inch TV, if I can figure out a way to hide the absolute mess of cables that are behind the existing TV stand. (I'd like to get rid of the old stand but am not sure it will be with this bench.) Anyway, the bench is sitting in the living room, off to the side, till the weekend. If I don't use it for a TV/media stand, I'll do some reorganizing in my bedroom and put the bench up there.

As for today, well, we have some sunshine at the moment, which in itself is spirit-lifting, and I'm going to hold onto the thought that eventually spring will prevail, even if we have to wait till the end of April this year for her to do so.

Peace.