Musings on a Small Life

I ran into my coworker in the washroom this afternoon, the one who has been such a tremendous support to me from the beginning of our employment together. She was just returning from visiting her mom at the hospital. Some of you might remember that about 2.5 years ago her mom had a stem cell transplant. Sadly, the cancer has reached the point now that there is nothing to be done except provide her with palliative care. My coworker, who had just found out, was in tears, of course, and I was in tears too, and have been off and on since I got home. I don't know her mom, only that she's in her late 60s, I believe, and that she and my own mom share the same first name, Judy. But it's the mother of someone I respect and care about, and while I can't even begin to imagine what she and her family are going through now, my heart still hurts for them. Terminal illness puts a lot of things in perspective. We often say that nothing matters except our health (physical a...

OMG, my boss must be one tough cookie! He sent a brief email to me from his mobile device a short time ago: "Apparently things went quite well. Started the chemo wash already." I'm so glad he's out of surgery and able to function. Wow. Must be all the purrs and purrayers (around the CB and here, I mean). Not sure what the prognosis will be, of course, but I do hope it will mean he'll be cancer-free. Fingers crossed. I can tell you that I wasn't very productive today...which might have had something to do with the wine I drank yesterday. Okay, that's not entirely true, I cleaned out my files, with 11 years' worth of paper to go through. Got rid of a HUGE pile for shredding, so I guess that counts as being productive, after a fashion. Anyway, I can just feel my whole body releasing its tension now. ::Sigh:: Universal Blessings, Light and Mercy to All Beings.

Those of you around the Cat Blogosphere and who read the daily news and updates, will know that one of the long-timer bloggers has been diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer. We knew it was pancreatic cancer a few weeks ago, and of course the immediate thought, at least for me, was, "Uh-oh." But I think this news has killed any hope I was harbouring that it was caught in time. Because life expectancy in stage 4 is "grim," according to the Livestrong web site. And I have been told she has chosen to forgo any treatments (presumably nasty) that would extend her life by 6 months or a year and is opting for hospice care. I'm just beside myself and I don't even know her, except via her blog and a few emails. But she's always seemed like a wonderful lady with a heart of gold, one who has had a difficult life, at least in terms of financial challenges. So I can only imagine how her family and friends feel. I know I feel useless and ineffectua...

Jack Layton, leader of the NDP party and leader of the opposition, lost his battle with cancer early this morning, after taking a leave of absence from politics a mere few weeks ago, on July 25th. He was 61. I can't say I have much use for politicians in general, but I think that insofar as is possible for any elected official, he had integrity, always fighting for the underdog, never losing hope and optimism. On Saturday he wrote a two-page letter to Canadians, which can be found in its entirely here: http://www.cbc.ca/news/politics/story/2011/08/22/pol-layton-last-letter.html It's of no interest to anyone non-Canadian, of course, but there are a few brief paragraphs I'd like to share, because they speak to the struggle with cancer, to living life with hope, to never giving up. ****** August 20, 2011 Toronto, Ontario Dear Friends, Tens of thousands of Canadians have written to me in recent weeks to wish me well. I want to thank each and every one of you for your...

So, Ms. I'm-Wasting-Away-to-Nothing Annie didn't eat this morning, wasn't interested in anything. Therefore didn't get her RestoraLAX or fibre or marshmallow root. Litter box output still is up in the air--someone's been making the occasional tiny soft poop pile, I hope it's been Annie and not one of the boys (from the fibre). She did eat last night, but that means nibbling several times over the course of the evening. I took all the food away before I left this morning--I had started to do that, then caved and was leaving some down when I left for work and at night. I really have no idea what's going on. Presumably still the UTI, given that she's still peeing frequently and in small clumps. And she's still scratching around the litter boxes with nothing produced. I'll have to take her back next week for follow-up blood work and urine analysis. I'm dreading putting her through that stress, which is why I haven't taken her this week, and...

Sheilah, no one really knows if there's any kind of existence beyond this one, though many have staunch personal beliefs about that. Wherever you are, whatever you are--stardust, pure consciousness, spirit--I hope your soul is at peace, is dwelling in joy and love.

Mom's friend, Sheilagh, who was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer at the latter part of October or early November, died this morning. Her daughter, Bonnie, called Mom this afternoon to tell her. Sheilagh died at home and has donated her body to Dalhousie University for medical research. Bonnie is not having a funeral or memorial service. I'm glad Sheilagh passed quietly and quickly and without any suffering (she was well-drugged), but I'm so sorry for Mom that she wasn't allowed to say goodbye. Mom had left several messages for Bonnie over the past month; none was returned. I know we all deal with death in our own way, but I personally feel it unspeakably cruel and selfish to have denied Mom the chance to say goodbye, just kiss her cheek or even touch her hand. And denied Sheilagh the same. But it's moot now. And there was another very recent passing, a woman who used to work for our department before I was hired on. Three of my co-workers knew her, two worke...

First, Annie. I had tried to take her in on the 23rd for the urine analysis and blood work, but they had only one tech on, and she needs 2+ to hold her/manage her. So I'm taking her tomorrow. Prior to Christmas I was told by one of their receptionists that the lab in the Toronto area that does the T4 testing was closed between Christmas and New Year's, but today I was told that's not the case. I'm kicking myself because if I had called earlier to double check, I could have had her in on Monday or Tuesday AM, or even today. I'm very worried about her; she's nothing but skin and bone in spite of the fact that her appetite seems the same. Kidney disease? Or cancer? I would have thought her November blood work would show something amiss, other than BUN and Creatinine, if it was cancer. But maybe not. She wants to go out as usual, she still plays, but I can tell you that she's not the same cat that she was prior to her hyper-thyroid diagnosis last year. She...

Nico turned up Monday AM, was there at 4:15AM waiting for his canned food, but didn't get to eat any because the feral ate 2 packages of Whiskas (their "meat" and gravy), a full bowl of dry and another half a can of Fancy Feast I put out (for Nico). He (Nico) did get to eat canned yesterday afternoon when I got home, as the feral wasn't around then. Sometimes he comes in the afternoons too, but usually just the mornings. I think that grey and white cat might have been abandoned and now is semi-feral, perhaps not a true feral. He certainly won't let me get too close, but his hunger overrides almost everything else. He scarfed down all the wet I put out this morning, too, so Nico got none. There's only so much food I can put out and the grey/white guy seems to have limitless stomach capacity. Nico is using the shelter, but I'm concerned about the wind coming at him, when it blows from the southwest. Trying to figure out what to do about him; I'm ver...

When I got home this afternoon there was a message from my mom to call her, that she had news about...and I couldn't get the remainder of what she had said. Figured it was something fairly serious. Yes, Mom's oldest friend in Halifax was diagnosed yesterday with pancreatic cancer, too far along for any treatment, has been given six months at most. I'm at loss as to what to say. I haven't seen Sheilah in 5.5 years, the last time I was in Halifax, but she and Mom worked downtown together (not the same provincial government department) and I saw a fair bit of her when I was younger. She has a daughter about my age, a son-in-law, two grandchildren. Always has had short-haired white cats, male, one at a time--all named Snowball, after the original Snowball. She'd been feeling unwell this summer, Mom told me recently. Was diagnosed with a bladder and bowel infection not long ago. Had a body scan yesterday, doctor called her last night with the news. Not a bladder ...

Today's our first full day of Autumn, so I guess there's no escaping the turning of the seasons. Every year I try to work up enthusiasm for the impending winter's cold and ice and snow by telling myself I'll do fun outdoor things, but the truth is I just prefer to hibernate. Oh, to be a bear! LOL. Other than last evening's snake adventure, recounted on the Fuzzy Tales blog , the week has been relatively uneventful. Still buried under mounds of paper, still juggling 5 projects, still so tired I'm almost falling asleep over my keyboard by mid-afternoon. No (non-cat) pics since the weekend (except for the snake!), just a header change to herald the season. (That snapshot was taken last October, walking down the street from the bus stop to the conservation area.) I've chatted to Mom a few times and Harry's doing very well, all things considered.I think her respite kicks in next week (9am to 2pm Mondays and Fridays), so I'm sure she's looking fo...

I've been home today, got all dressed and ready for work, then at 6AM just knew I couldn't make it. Went back to bed for a while, then had to go out for a few things (drugstore, grocery store). That's the down side to living alone when you aren't feeling well, there's no one to run the errands for you. But that was okay, it didn't take too long, and I went back to bed for a good chunk of the day afterward. (It's just a head cold, no big deal.) Now I'm up and drinking some home-made cocoa--very comforting on a day with a windchill of -26C (about -15F). So there's nothing new and/or exciting to relate. Except that my cousin Laurie sent an email update yesterday. She had a mastectomy nine days ago. Her incision has become infected, so the surgeon removed a couple of staples and put in a drain, has her on antibiotics. The good news: There was no sign of cancer in the lymph nodes or surrounding tissue. But the tumour itself was 4 cms in length and a type ...

I'm off today, took Annie in for routine blood work this AM and I have the annual furnace cleaning this afternoon. I also booked Annie's dental (finally!) for February 10th. I'm opting not to do the DNA panel on her upper respiratory system, because I simply can't afford the additional $150. Besides, the DNA panel will only tell me if she has a virus and what kind, not if there is some sort of physical blockage/damage of her nasal passages. Apparently scoping cats is seldom done (and they don't do it at all at my clinic) because you need such a tiny scope. Oh, to explain, for those who aren't psychic, Annie's always had wheezing breathing, depending on the position in which she rests, but it's gotten worse over the years. Like she has a stuffy nose or something similar. I wanted to see if there was some sort of obstruction, not find out she has an upper respiratory infection. She gets Lysine for that. Sheesh. Anyway, I am hoping the dental will be straig...

Anyone have a word beginning with "f" that means the same as "ramblings" in this context? I could have reached new alliterative heights. Well. For one thing, we have sunshine. Gasp! I know, I know, I can hardly believe it myself. Unfortunately I didn't bring my camera with me today, so can't prove it. It's cold, though. As in a windchill of -17C earlier this morning. Spring? Spring! Feel free to arrive any time now. Don't feel you have to wait until oh, April. I just got an update on my cousin, who had a mastectomy on Wednesday. She is doing well, still in hospital. She'll be released when she can manage on over-the-counter pain medication, so possibly later today or tomorrow. (She's in British Columbia, Pacific time). It will be about 2 weeks before the test results on the mass come back, after which a course of treatment will be decided upon. Three weeks is the estimate for surgery recovery, and as well as her husband (who has to return to...

She came through the surgery just fine and things "went well," whatever that means. No confirmation yet as to whether or not all the cancer was removed, if it was contained in the breast (and had not spread to the lymph nodes). She was in and out of consciousness last night and might be released later today, or possibly Friday, depending on how things go. Fingers crossed!

One of my first cousins is having a mastectomy today. She lives in British Columbia with her hubby and a slew of Siberian Huskies that she breeds and trains (though because of the cancer, she now has to re-home/sell as many as possible). She had to be at the hospital for 11AM Pacific time today, though wasn't quite sure when the surgery was taking place. If all goes well and if the cancer hasn't spread to her lymph nodes, they will release her tomorrow. (Gee, there's nothing like having major surgery and being booted out almost as soon as you are conscious.) Laurie's Yahoo group is Nakitsilik, and part of a recent group post regarding the dogs is: "The hardest at this point is that I am going to have to sell/place as many of my dogs as I can.. but they have to be to homes that understand the breed and don't chain their dogs up - none of my dogs has been chained - except for feeding times or when we moved and had to re-build kennels. Once the kennels were done ...